Monsterbanterer — that’s an unusual name

-is it American?

-Yes it is an old American name.

-Do you know the origin?

-I do. Would you like me to tell it you?

-I would.

-Okay. In the old country–

-back when America was on the planet Earth.

-You know your history facts and feel no qualms about crowbarring them into a conversation, I see.


-Shall i go on?


-back, as I was saying before an historical fact was crowbarred into the conversation like it was a trunk full of bananas, in the old country if a vampire or werewolf would come into a house somebody would have to engage the monster in banter to give the family time to escape, and this was a traditional occupation and that’s the source of our family name — Monsterbanterer.



-Could you provide an example?

-I could if you ask like a normal person. What was that before “Example”. Where you come from is that how you get someone to provide an example? You just say example? What are you Queen of the May?

-I don’t think that degree of upbraiding is called for.

-I suppose not.

-Could you provide an example?

-Gladly. Suppose Count Yorga, a vampire, was at the door. You might say “Say that’s a nice, cape! Where did you get it?” And then the Count would say “Do you really think so?” and you’d say “Oh but i do.” and he’d say “I got it at a fine cape store in Timisoara, and while you were bantering on like that, all the children and women and frankly the less courageous men would all escape.


-I’ll say. Or suppose it were a werewolf. And you could say “My goodness, werewolf — do you know the etymology of that? And then he’d say “I do” — because it’s a rare werewolf who doesn’t take an interest…

-A rare-wolf.

-Ok if that’s how we’re going to play this…

-Continue speaking.

-OK if you ask so nicely. So, when the giant monsters started appearing, fire-breathing dinosaurs and huge moths and the like, the whole planet needed to employ the service of us monsterbanterers to keep them yakking while the entire population of Earth got in their personal spaceships and went elsewhere.

-you have a knack for taking an extremely interesting conversation and draining all the interest out of it.

-like a vampire but instead of blood interest

-yes. I suppose that you have used this banter to sneak something valuable away during our conversation as if I am a monster

-don’t flatter yourself.

-if I don’t, who will?


2 thoughts on “Monsterbanterer — that’s an unusual name

  1. Crowbaring a trunk full of bananas isn’t as easy as you’d think. Just saying.

    BTW, your story reminded me of “Death Knocks” by Woody Allen. Similar themes, if you haven’t seen it.

  2. We all must learn how to do this. There’s a lot we could have done with those skills the past few years, but, alack and alas, so few of us thought to take the course at the Learning Annex.

    But, now we know what happens when you don’t have enough beings capable of monsterbantering so I suggest we all sign up right away.

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