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Prolix GPS

In order to keep my mind sharp I got a prolix, nay a euphuistic GPS.

While before it said “make a left turn then turn right immediately” it now says “there should be nothing mediating between your left turn and your right.”

While before it said “turn right” it now says “Oh dextrous one, incline yourself in the direction that is most opposed to sinister.”

While once it said “make an immediate left on Olympic Boulevard” it says “make an immediate left not on the Ossian Boulevard nor on the Pelian but on that Boulevard tat stole its name from the true mountainous home of the very gods!”

My mind is sharp, but I crash a lot.

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