There was once a man made entirely of feces who would run around causing problems. He would hide behind bushes and run out and kiss women but then say “Gross their mouths have feces on them!” and slap them. He snuck in the palace and sat on the throne and said “Look at me! I’m on a throne!” But everyone said “Yuksters! That throne has a feces man on it.” and he raged like the dickens and sprayed all and sundry with feces. Eventually we scrubbed him away and as we did so he yelled “Look at them! They’re as dirty as me! They are all touching feces!” One guy said when feces man had finally been washed away he looked in the drain and found a piece of paper that said “Son you are no better than a piece of —” here an indelicate word for “feces” – “love, Dad.” Who knows if a note can make a man first believe he is feces and then become it but that night we each gave our kids an extra hug.