At the Neighborhood Playhouse nursery school I wanted to know what it looked like inside my ear. I asked Louis to look inside my ear and he told me: It looks sorta like the inside of your nose. The first of many partners I have enlisted in the journey of discovery into the Louisiana Purchase that is me.
“Louis and Clark and the pioneers/Driven by Hunger and Haunted by Fears”
Louis of course named after the Louis-iana Purchase which he explored. Clark of course named after the physicist Clark-Maxwell whose equations exactly eight decades eight years and eight months later would explain the phenomena of backward causation.
I couldn’t help asking Louise after our first night together — what was it like? What am I like? What kind of person am I?
Why would you ask another person what you are like, she asked me.
Why wouldn’t you? I asked her.
Because I’m not that kind of person, she answered me.
And I am?
Thank you very much!
But of course I am not actually looking for a mirror and I am not actually investigating my self — cause the particulars of my self are no mystery — but I am enlisting both of us to ask question about what it is to be a person at all. What it is to be a separate person at all. Why we are different at all and not just like blobs separated out in some kind of human shmear. And I am looking for partners in this journey, each of us looking into each other looking not for a mirror at all but for someone in the other on the other side, looking back.
Needless to say the famous “three women” — mother, lover, and death — are for women three men. Needless to say and I hope not true.
I once had a conversation where I tried to patiently explain the mysterious sense in which you can’t see the edge of your visual field, and yet there is an edge to it, and the woman I was talking to said to me “What exactly can’t you see?” and I was dumbfounded.
What a great thing for her to say, what a wonderful state she brought me to. If I could look deep inside her body at that very instant she made it all clear to me, I guarantee you, I promise you, I wager, bet and believe it would look nothing like a nose.