I want to know and be known, but have over the years created blocks to this out of fear. I tend to try to placate people by pretending to be silly, childish, and unthreatening. I don’t think I am entirely threatening, serious or adult, but those are cards in my hand which I tend to keep in the hand, while I play the other ones. I am a bit like a traditional woman in this respect who has been taught that if she says what she thinks straightforwardly men will not find her sexy and attractive. At the end of the day though I have had enough with the false front, because the performance prevents intimacy and is, on top of that, exhausting. Will people like me the way I really am? I don’t really know, but I know I cannot spend my very limited time pretending.