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What a Clumsy Attempt to Flatter the Doge

Ordelafo, you splendiferous one!

Ordelafo light of my eyes!

Ordelafo, the constellation Orion clad in flesh, the noble art of geometry in human form, the glory of the ancients reborn.

I will praise you.

You have done well to conquer Acre in Syria and establish the church of Christ All Ruler.

I am well impressed and duly pleased by your victorious battles against the Hungarians, as ruled by Coloman.

Your wife Matelda, cousin of his Royal Highness King Baldwin I of Jerusalem is the perfect DOGARESSA, a model of virtue and spousal propriety.

When you celebrate the mythological marriage of Venice to the Sea by throwing a ceremonial dagger into the ocean, not a heart remains unstirred.

Really, you are a tremendous Doge.

(The Doge remains impassive)

-What?  What is it?  Why is he leaving me on his gondola without acknowledging my tribute?

-Oh signore your flattery was terrible.

-How so?  My flattery was great.

–Not so.   You have sorely offended the Doge and he will remain deaf to your pleas forever.

(The gentlemen’s tears fall like rain into the canals.  Finally he is able to form his lips into a single word.)

-Why?

-You neglected to mention that his name spelled backwards is “Faledro.”

 

—The Noble Doings and Fine Speeches of Regarding the Crowned Republics.  Ricardo De Romagno, Padua 1810.

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3 thoughts on “What a Clumsy Attempt to Flatter the Doge

  1. Yonah says:

    Wonderful.
    This genre of princely praise could use a revival. Do you think it might make our politicos more princely? Or our artists?

      • Yonah says:

        Yes, we are pretty great, it’s true.

        Our market metrics are the glorious crown of the globe.
        Our lowest common denominator determines the fate of millions of fishes in foreign seas.
        Our intimate desires fill the air of the world with naked bodies encoded in waves.
        Our appetite for twiddling random little things builds whole cities in China.

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