This is a story that hasn’t happened yet, but I’d be truly surprised if it didn’t some day. It’s about three people who wanted things — and who doesn’t? — and one of them got what she wanted and one of them didn’t and as for what happened to the third one you’ll have to listen to the end and make up your own mind, won’t you?
Alienancy didn’t know how she got her name. She thought maybe she found it when somebody wasn’t using it and took it when she was a little kid and she felt bad about it, because whoever it was whose name it was once never came asking for it. One time she was in the field after the rain and she met a fellow lying in a pool of water all stretched out and she took him out and dried him out. “Who are you?” she asked.
“I’m Ur Thwum”.
“Ur Thwum meaning what?” asked Alienancy. “I know that “ur” means “primordial”. But what is a thwum?”
“That’s not what my name means said Ur Thwum. It means I am a Wum who lives all day eating the good rich tasty Urth.”
“Do you know what names mean?” asked Alienancy?
“That I do” said the Ur Thwum “Back in the day they took me out of the ground and gave me a different kind of Earth in my Gangle-ons called “Silicon Chips” and because of the Silicon Chips I know what things mean. They did that cause they could not be bothered to remember I suppose but who knows. That was a long long time ago!”
“O” said Alienancy “Can you tell me what my name means? Does it means I am an exobiolog? This is what I thought. That I am from an exoplan and that is my plan.”
“No, Alienancy” said the Ur Thwum “You have mistaken the meaning of your own name. An “alienans” is an adjective that when you put it on a thing it no longer is that thing. Example “a fake duck” is no duck “a confused thought” is no special kind of thought “a counterfeit penny” is no penny. “Fake” “confused” and “counterfeit” are all by them back in the day yclept the alienans.”
“Oh” said Alienancy. “Then let me tell you a story.”
Back where I came from we had 3 Kings. Their names were the Unthought King, the Unspoken King, and the Notspoken About Clearly King. Well those three kings ruled us well we had love and frolic and fruit trees with
“grapes, papayas, rambutans, star fruit, moon fruit, lichees, lanjis, moonbutans, durains, apples, green apples, pears, peaches, nectarnes, red grapes, green grapes, jackfruit and jillfruit all tumbling down”
not to mention cool sweet water, and chilly juicy wine
but then we thought about the Unthought King and he died
and then we asked about hte Unspoken King and he died
and the other king I don’t even know if he’s at the bottom of the pail or did I get hte pail from the back yet, don’t remind me Ur Thwum or I don’t know what I’ll do
Well the Ur Thwum said “I didn’t get that part about the last king that was a bit unclear can you explain it to me?”
“The hell I will” said Alienancy “If I talk about him clearly then that King will have to go too.”
“That seems pretty clear to me” said the Ur Thwum “What you just said.”
They came running from the castle — Alienancy, Alienancy the Last King is dead! You will have to make you own way in the world and do what you can do to live!
I guess that’s my Q said Alienancy. Do you want to be my “You”?
Quite! said the Ur Thwum and he wrapped his own self around the neck of her own self and they went on their way.
Well I didn’t say the first chapter was chapter one but you could have figured it out cause there wasn’t no chapter zero before it, was there? There never is a chapter zero, at least not these days. But I would be willing to tell you that when they met Shirty Mouseback that was the beginning of Chapter Three. There was no Chapter Two because that had been stolen by Shirty Mouseback, cause he is a bit of a Rogue!
“Why are you called Shirty Mouseback?” asked Alienancy
“Cause I wear a shirt.”
“That is no good reason cause everybody wears a shirt and they are not called “Shirty”.
“You best take that up with them” said Shirty Mouseback.
“But why Mouseback?”
“Cause my mouse looks like a back I suppose.”
“That’s not why” said Ur Thwum “It’s because he got what he lost back.”
“But why the mouseback?”
“It must be because he lost it.”
“Now we are getting somewhere!”
And they went down the road.
Needless to say all three of them tried to do things some of which failed and some of which succeeded, but the best part of the story was years later when they were sitting by the fire rubbing their toes in the skin of the OgreBear who they had killed when they saved the kingdom and eating cups of Cocoa so big I don’t have room enough in this story to describe even the bottom of the cup much less the cocoa it was filled with and they said “What about Shirty Mouseback?” “Was he in the story at all?”
“I think he was.” said the Apprincess.
“Then why didn’t we mention him?”
“I’d have to say that’s a question for a princess, not me said the Apprincess. I am just aprincessing in this tale. Once I have learned to be Romantic and to be Rescued from a Tower then I will be able to answer your questions.”
“I think I know that you are a real princess” said Shirty Mouseback.
“And how’s that?” asked the Ur Thwum.
“I checked her fingerprincess.”