How to Write Something

1. come up with a problem which is that two things that can’t both be true seem to be true. EXAMPLE: I care about people more than animals but I spend money on dog food for my dog rather than giving that money to help people.
2.Write a paragraph explaining how that can be so.
3.Write a paragraph explaining why the first paragraph is absolutely wrong
4. Write a paragraph explaining how the previous paragraph depends upon an assumption.
5.Write a paragraph confessing that you have no reason to believe the assumption.
6.Cut all the paragraphs that don’t surprise you
7.Cut out most of the adjectives
8.Well-earned snack!
For fiction — do the same but invent characters and incidents that illustrate 2-6.


2 thoughts on “How to Write Something

  1. Mikey says:

    This definitely seems like a piece of cake, I’m going to try it. I mean, it’s just a 8 point process, right? Start at the top and work your way down. So what should my problem be? Ok, come on, creative juices: Go! Hey, do you think you could do a subroutine for how to come up with a problem? Now I’ve got to stage 1 and I’m literally stuck. If I knew how to be creative I could do stage 1 no probs, but I don’t. And don’t give me any baloney about hovering over the deep, that doesn’t mean anything. I want a flow chart.

    Wait! There it is! My first paragraph has a problem in it! Success! Thank you ELK, you’ve helped me through the dark part.

    Obviously, I was trying to write a piece of fiction so you only helped me in a limited way and who writes non-fiction anyway? Non-fiction is like fiction’s monotone younger brother. Given the choice, you’d hang out with the older one.

    No, just kidding, this whole reply is entirely fabricated. I know it seems like I’m just typing what I’m thinking, but actually the “I” I am referring to is an invention; specifically an invention that I (the real “I” this time) came up with by hovering my (real “my”) spirit over the deep. That’s a classy trick that works every time. Notice how through subtle use of the lack of adjectives I conjured up the image of a gun-polishing creationist?

    Wait, you never said how to finish. How do you finish it off? I’m just going to have a snack now and then I’m off the end of the flow chart. What do I do then? Could it be something as lame as some sort of haunting rhetorical question?

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