Sal & Mickey

My friend Sal was once very interested in freedom.  So he stopped listening to his parents and quit his job and wandered the world having experiences.  He went to Tibet and Antarctica and he joined the singing circles of Bzante-Barongo and so on.  Then one day when he was in New York City he met this guy named Mickey.  And he explained his project to Mickey and Mickey said “Okay, you are free of everything but your own desire for freedom.”  And Sal was like “Okay what should I do?” and Mickey was like “Give your will over to me.” And Sal was like “Okay.  I do!”  And Mickey said ‘Okay let me cut off your arms and legs.” and he did and he cooked them up in a pan with garlic and he ate them.

Well!  The mutilated Mickey dragged himself to my house and I got a doctor friend of mine to make him new wooden limbs, but when universal health care was passed in 2020 there was a special exception made for Micky, the voters decided he was not entitled to any new cyborg limbs or anything on account of he was an idiot.


Beast king of the 7 valleys

Do not even think of fighting this guy.

Redoubtable doesn’t even begin to say it!

Entirely lacking in intelligence he is therefore entirely unpredictable.

He will F your S up!

If at all possible plan to avoid a battle with the Beast King of the Seven Valleys

-Propertius, translated by Edith Oonts


Welcome to Ongluam Terrace

You will find as soon as you release unrealistic expectations you will be able to make the most of your time here.

Don’t assume that people want to interact with you or that they don’t and don’t impose your preconceptions of emotional consistency. A suite mate might love you passionately for ten minutes then be bored then have a morbid curiosity about your history of embarrassing incidents related to the bathroom. You may find them strange but they might find you strange as well.

Music may come to your body at night but also wounds.

Mysterious absences and overfill eases may dapple or stipple: do not welcome or recoil.

Try not to assume it will be obvious if you have staid or left.

If you endeavor to recognize pain and pleasure are the symptoms of a disease which you may never recover from your stay will have every chance of being a pleasant one.


Earth Destroyed in War

Superior Alien potentate comes.
I’m in ruins of earth and say “why did you let us destroy ourselves?”
He says “an alien ten billion years ago swore a million oaths to guard the jewel of Oznk in the heart of a neutron star. He betrayed his oath and sold the jewel to the Raamgo people. As punishment we caused him to incarnate on earth and see his whole planet and all his people destroyed.”

I said “that’s totally unfair to the rest of us!”

He thought.
“That’s actually a really good point.”


Master Skeleton, the Subtle Gem

Dining with the Skeleton King I asked him who his favorite skeleton was.  

“My answer I think will surprise you.”

“Do tell” was my response.  “Don’t presume to know what will or will not surprise me, but say what you wish to say, and observe whether I am surprised or no.”

“Very well” replied the Skeleton King “My favorite skeleton is the skeleton of the comedian George Lopez.”

“Why is that?” I inquired.

“The skeleton of George Lopez serves to support his body within a gravitational field.  Without it he would flop down like the veriest CNIDARIAN or JELLY-FISH.  As it does, other than THE TEETH it does its work UNSEEN and UNHERALDED.  it does not call attention to itself by DANCING IN GRAVEYARDS IN A DANS MACABRE or by GRABBING A SWORD And doing BATTLE with Jason and his Argonauts.  It is subtle, like the subtle gem in my storehouses whose FULL FAITH AND ASSURANCE gives value to the currency of my realm.”

“That is why it is wonderful.  That is why it is Great.  And that is why it is, of all Skeletons, my Royal Favorite.”

The Bony King though icy as the grave was growing quite heated with the force of his own prose; he quaffed wine from a golden cub and it spattered down his empty mandibles and onto the table we shared.  I regarded him evenly.

“Sure” I said “But your argument, poetical and profound though it may be, calls attention to the excellency of all skeletons within living human beings.  You have given no reason, no reason at all for preferring the skeleton of Mr. George Lopez to any of the other five billion odd skeletons right now supporting living frames of flesh and blood on this planet.”

The Skeleton King paused and looked at me.  Within each dusky orbit I could see an infinitesimal point of demonic fire.

“You know,” he said “I hadn’t thought of that.”


I am Legitimately the Wing-Wang Cherub



Q:Who is the wing-wang cherub?

A: I am the wing-wang cherub.

Q: Was your status of wing-wang cherub obtained through force?

A:No it was not.

Q: Was your status of wing-wang cherub obtained through fraud?

A: No, it was not?

Q: So your status of wing-wang cherub is legitimate?

A:It is entirely legitimate.

Q:What cherub are you?

A:The wing-wang cherub.

Q:What can you say regarding your wing-wang-itude?

A:It is cherubic!

Q: Does the absence of cherubicness inhere in you?

A:In no way shape or form.

Q: And thus?


Q:What was that?







Want to Write for Posterity???

What if they’re dumb or interested in trivial things?
What if they only like 21st century kitsch that feels quaint?
Why play into that condescension?
Horace wanted to make a monument “aere perrenius” — more lasting than brass.
But he also said ” odi profanum vulgus et arceo”– I loathe the uninitiate mob and push them away from me.
But who did he think would be around to read his stuff in 2000 years if not the uninitiate mob?!
Inconsistent Horace!


New Grammar

I am going to be introducing new grammatical categories.  I’m starting with the idea of person.

We have three different persons — first (I) second (you) and third (he).

I want to introduce a fourth person.  I’m thinking it should be for an ambiguous collective that you’re not committed to whether or not you  or the person you’re addressing belong to or not.

Like right now the first person plural has certain weird effects.  Supposing I’m talking about Jews.  I happen to be a Jew but do I need to say “We lived in Egypt as slaves?”  I mean I can but if I choose to it’s putting my membership in the group front and center in a may I may not want to.

People also use this ambiguity on purpose to exploit people — false teaming.  “He is dangerous to us.”  But who is “us”?  Does it necessarily include both he speaker and the listener.

So I propose the fourth person pronoun “gee/gus”  It refers to a collective that may or may not include the speaker and listener.

In all candor I’m worried that this is not a separate person that it is a separate mood — some kind of version of a hypothetical or subjunctive mood.  But I think it is good for gus!




Making and Finding

They are closer than you might think.  If I find something I use concepts and language that human beings have made.  When I make tools and stories I can’t just make anything — I have to find the configurations that work.

If you realize that all making has a finding dimension and vice versa is there still a question about whether external independent reality exists?

Or does the question disappear?

Or does it transform into something else?