A Brutal Emotional Experience

I am a bourgeois and the other day I was captured by an avant-garde artist who promised to subject me to a brutal emotional experience.

“Hey bourgeois, I’m going to explode all your comforting illusions!” he said.  He had hair dyed two different colors and a cast iron scrotal piercing.

“Okay.” I said.  “Let’s get this over with.”

“You think that your life is worth living but you know what?  IT isn’t.  Cause nothing is worth doing!”

“What about dispelling people’s illusions?” I said “You obviously think that’s worth doing.”

“Huh.” he said “I had not thought about that. This whole thing has gone south. I was supposed to make you feel bad but instead you have made me feel bad.”

“I’m really sorry” I said.  And I really was.

Customer relations

Id like to walk barefoot inn a carpet of bosoms.
That’s difficult — where would the rib cages go?
Hmm…
Could I interest you instead in a carpet of tooshies?
That would do nicely, thank you.

Ape Man of the Seven Seas

“Don’t think this bravos a brusque brute: in truth he brims with brio!”
It’s true, but what does it mean?

Buying and Selling Listening and Talking

Whenever you say something you are trying to get someone to spend some time paying attention to you. Since nobody lives forever that means you’re asking them to spend some of their precious remaining hours on what you say.
If you try to sell someone a good or service for money you’re asking them to pay you the time they (or their dead bequeathers) worked to make that money.
Listening is like spending.
Talking is like selling.
You want to avoid being ripped off — buying or listening to something the purveyor wouldn’t buy or listen to herself.
So authors should include their credit card bills.
Somebody arguing for refinement who consumes the gross is a trickster and vice versa. We should demand to know what our favorite authors eat and where they shop.

“I’m Awfully Frond of You”

These are great t- shirts but can lead to heart break. Fern horticulturalists buy them at the Fern Fest and give them as gifts to other fern gardeners back home. But then they view them as declarations of love but they’re just meant to mean “I like ferns and thought you’d enjoy it”
These shirts wreck homes

Good Thing About Old Age

I’m glad human beings get old and weak eventually.  Consider the alternative!  The older generation would just keep getting bigger and bigger and stronger and stronger, so our parents would be ogres running around and our grandparents these gigantic giants blundering through the forest crushing everybody, and then how could you ever start a business or get a new idea going with these huge old monsters blocking your path.

 

I’ll tell you how you could.  You couldn’t.

Checking email too often?

Strictly speaking that’s impossible!
Because if you care about the people you know ) every moment could conceivably bring news of infinite importance from each of them.
So ideally we should all wear glasses with continual real time updating if the souls and bodies if everyone we know.
And while we’re at it everyone we don’t.
Because someone you don’t know is all the more likely to say something unexpectedly important.